“Be so completely yourself that everyone else feels safe to be themselves too. ”
~ Mark Groves via @createthelove
I am seeing this everywhere now and it’s so powerful. I see people talking about things that they would never publicly speak about. People letting go of self censorship. Embracing authenticity and inspiring others to do the same. No longer feeling reliant on a group or system to give them that emotional or psychological support. ‘the tie that binds most of us together in this trap called codependency.’
I am seeing people I know with hundreds of thousands of followers suddenly talk about God, or their faith, or their political stance, or something that is really important to them. Those things that you don’t really see anymore from “regular” people. Those things that we’re supposed to hide. The things that may lose you clients, or audience members, or *gasp* followers.
And this is exactly what the world needs right now. More of us coming from a place of authenticity AND love. I’m not talking about people telling other people what to believe in, or people judging others or people being bullies. I’m talking about people just proudly standing for their own beliefs. People that are unwilling to hide parts of themselves anymore.
I am learning this too. Where am I hiding? Where am I unwilling to be authentic and why? Which parts of me are acceptable and which parts of me have I deemed “unclean.” Is this form of self protection valid, or have I just created a container where my ego reigns supreme and I am in constant evaluation of my performance to make sure I am acting in alignment with my fake values?
What is the worst thing that can happen by unearthing it all? And do I really want to be surrounded by people that I have to self censor myself around? Because that is exactly what we get when we self censor. We create boundaries around ourselves that only let in those that have placed conditions on us. It’s like a floodway with a very leaky sandbag wall.
Self censoring is not the same as being intentional with language. I am very intentional. I do not write or speak when angry or in haste. I seek to do no harm and (try) to write in a way that seeks to find the middle path. I am looking for ways to speak that are never rude, or arrogant or judgmental. But I am looking for ways to speak more authentically without fear.
It’s scary at first. Letting everyone see the real you. Talking about all those things that are actually really important to you. Your belief systems, your religion or faith, maybe even your politics. Knowing who you are, and knowing that you are inherently good is the first step. No one can define that for you. Knowing that you are safe only comes from the practice of letting go of the ego’s desire to receive confirmation from an outside source.
We’re so used to feeling unsafe that most of us don’t even remember what radical self acceptance feels like. We don’t see that our group has put conditions on us. Social anxiety is the norm for many. Self censoring ourselves in order to fit in with approved beliefs and standards of the group.
How do we remedy this? The only way out is through. Chipping away at the false exterior we’ve created and allowing more and more of the real us to shine through. How else will you find your people? The ones that really accept you for you? How will they find you, if they can’t see you? It seems so obvious.
Never forget that you get to build your community. You show others how they can treat you. You get to define what’s authentic to you. What’s true for you and what you put out there, you will receive in full. Do you want to attract those who make you feel like you are inauthentic? Do you want to attract those who make you feel small enough to hide? Or do you want to allow your most authentic self to shine through so you can attract more of the same?
Codependency is harmful. And normal. How many of us, right now, are doing things that we don’t agree with? How many of us are saying things that we don’t agree with? How many of us are Self censoring the most important thoughts in our heads for fear of not fitting in? This is what creates that feeling of insecurity. Putting ourselves in a position where we are codependent on others for our value. This is unsafe and unsustainable.
Instead, normalise this…….
Say yes when you want to yes.
Say no when you want to say no.
Don’t hide the most important parts of yourself. And get used to others being attracted to this. Because you help other people, when you are simply, honestly, yourself.
With grace and gratitude,
Karla Joy Treadway
such great writings so empowering I am a therapist and say these things to people so often but its hard for them to come to realization that they are in charge of them selves and their words, actions, feelings, and thoughts.