“Letting the ego step aside as you speak from the deepest part of your being is a guarantee that people will not like you and will misunderstand you. This is an initiation into radical self trust, the kind that magnetizes souls to your field and repels others.”
– Emma Zeck
How does one maintain a sense of belonging while still creating space to speak in alignment with integrity and truth?
There’s a lot of fear that comes with “not fitting in.” To put that part of your ego aside so you can bring up the deepest part of you that needs to be heard. It takes courage and intuition and trust to know when and how to do this. It also takes a calm, grounded and kind source of inner resolve.
I’ve learned in the last three years that sometimes it’s just worth more to me to be truthful, than it is to be liked. That confrontation, political conversations and losing friends and loved ones can sting, but it’s not as bad as living with a lie or self censorship in order to fit in. That if you have to mold yourself to the group, in order to find a sense of belonging, then you never really belonged there in the first place.
I feel more shame, hiding what needs to be said, then just saying it. That eventually the truth weighs so heavily on us that it destroys us from the inside out. And sometimes when we speak these truths we do create a tidal wave of destruction. And what needs to go will break down. But what is good and right and built well will stay. If we can’t trust that deeper part of ourselves, we’ll never find that source of belonging externally anyways. We must learn to trust ourselves first.
This is not about finding echo chambers of agreement. It’s about finding safe containers for belonging that welcome self expression. That those who are set on misunderstanding you, will always be that way. And those who can disagree with you but create space to hear, listen, and receive can still create a loving home for you.
Setting aside our ego’s and our need to be liked will embolden others to do the same. It will free them from their shame, when they see that they too can speak. That is safe to do so. That they can speak and what breaks away, needed to break away anyways. It was never strong to begin with.
You have one life. Do you want to spend it on social media niceties, picture perfect behaviour and soulless connections? Or do you want to crack open the full range of what it truly means to be human and connect with others in a meaningful way?
Because that will require courage.
Don’t fear dropping the parts of you that desire to fit in. Let it slip through your fingers and allow the hard shell of human performance to crack and splinter away. Expose the softer parts of you. Let others know it’s safe for them too. Leave your hard shells behind.
“Brave soul, please don’t shrink to make others feel more comfortable. Your power is amplified when you stand your sacred ground.” – Shannon Rolston
With grace and grit,
Karla Joy Treadway